I am an upbeat, positive person, high in resilience and always digging for the pony that I know is under there.

But everyone has a bad day, every now and then.

Today is one of those days.

I got home late last night, having attended a community meeting about a proposed casino less than a block from my house. Not just a proposed casino, this would be the 3rd largest casino in the US and one of the top 5 largest casinos in the world and would include 60 floors of hotel rooms. My neighborhood is residential, filled with families. The traffic system is already overloaded with gridlock for 10 blocks daily and there isn’t enough public transportation. My neighborhood isn’t where I’d choose to live if I had more money – it’s where we could afford an apartment when we moved in 24 years ago. But look at Las Vegas and Atlantic City – the casinos on the strip glitter with success but a block away, these cities are crime-ridden wastelands where nobody wants to live. Nobody wants to live there.

The meeting was exhausting and felt unfair. The format seemed to favor the supporters of the casino – hundreds of neighborhood residents stood in line outside watching Hotel & Casino Union Members and other supporters get waved in, while we had to wait because “space was limited.” Those people signed up to speak before we even entered the building, while those of us who snagged later spots had to wait hours to speak (many older residents went home, unable to stand in line). Emotions ran high. We heard ourselves accused, by people who don’t live in the neighborhood, of being rich white elitists, of not caring about employment and housing opportunities for young people, poor people, working people, people of color and American Indians. I didn’t hear any of those people saying, “Hey, put the casino down the block from where my family lives.” Residents felt unheard. But I waited, toned down my prepared remarks, and then escaped. I arrived home fired up and needed to decompress. I went to bed late, too fired up to fall asleep.

I woke up bleary this morning, looking forward to my Friday walk with friends. But the walk was canceled due to Labor Day. That’s okay because I walked a lot yesterday and there’s something going on with my toe that makes walking painful. One more health issue to deal with. And my hip hurts from sitting too much.

Earlier this week, my doctor called and told me to give up sugars and the carbs that convert easily to sugars (bread, pasta, rice, alcohol), lower my fat intake, give up cheese and eggs, take daily fiber, exercise more. And take vitamin B12. Vegetarians are often low on B12, which can lead to depression and fatigue, which contributes to my mood.

That’s a lot of change to make at once.

Job searching sucks. Some of it is fun, like reconnecting with business friends, people I loved working with who I don’t see as much anymore. I’m using the time off to draft and edit my books, start a podcast, take courses, attend webinars. But everyone has an opinion on what you’re doing wrong and, if they have a job, they’re going to tell you that it’s easy, just connect with recruiters and apply for everything, and widen your search, and pursue things that repulse you. And your friends who are looking aren’t having any more luck than you are. It feels like everyone is either unemployed or worrying about layoffs right now. The best strategy seems to be buying a PowerBall ticket and praying that you’ll never have to look for another job.

It’s the Friday before Labor Day and I haven’t traveled since last fall. All of my friends seem to be away, having a good time. My husband is out of town, taking care of his parents. And he doesn’t want to travel until I’m employed again but then I’ll be too busy to travel. I am alone and going stir crazy.

And the news sucks. School shootings. It seems like everyone in government has gone insane and civic and business leaders are afraid to hold them accountable. And this is just Year One.

My cat won’t stop chewing on me. I miss the sweet cats that I had growing up, the ones who, when I was sad, would lie in my arms and purr, and let me weep on their fur.

I’m just sitting here, listening to REM on replay over and over.

Knowing that, as bad as all this seems, this is just a cloudy day. That eventually the clouds will sail away and my usual optimism will return. My usual fighting spirit, undaunted and able to take on impossible challenges.

Sometimes you just have to hang on, have patience with yourself. Take a day off from being your usual confident self. Curl up with a good book. Watch Inside Out or Bad Moms.

This, I tell myself, is when all that dang meditation pays off.

It gets better.