Do you know someone who gets stuck on something they like and, maybe, has trouble accepting other options?

If you have to persuade children or executives to do things differently, you probably see it all the time. They know what they want and that’s what they want. You can try to get them to try something new but they are risk-averse and will fight you tooth and nail.

My husband, who was in sales for a number of years, tells the story of the customer who asked for “a white bicycle.” My husband could have, like some of his colleagues would have, tried to persuade the customer that color is not the best criteria for selecting a bicycle and gone into a long list of technical specifications that they should use. Instead, my husband pulled out one white bicycle, mentioned they had others, and then asked questions – what kind of riding do you do, what’s your price range, etc. – to help the customer narrow to the right white bicycle.*

But Excuse Me That is My Book is part of the Charlie and Lola series and, if you have not discovered this series yet, you are in for a treat. These books are so much fun to read, with their collage designs and the alternating perspectives between Lola – who is maybe 5 or 6 – and her older brother, Charlie, who is a few years older. Like Charlie Brown and Sally, they see the world very differently from each other and, through each book, they learn from about each other’s perspectives.

I like these books because they remind me of change management: Lola starts out stubbornly sticking to some seemingly unreasonable position but, the more Charlie listens, the more Lola’s perspective becomes understandable – and eventually, Charlie finds a way to help her get where she needs to get.

This book starts with Lola insisting that Charlie go with her to library right now because she needs to get her favorite book. Lola passionately describes the criteria that makes her favorite “the best book in the whole wide world.” But Lola is dismayed, when they get to the library, to find that it is missing: someone else has checked out her book.

Charlie tries to get Lola to try something new. But tempting as the books he offers may be, they do not meet her criteria. No matter how you slice it, the books that appeal to Charlie tend to have big words and not enough pictures, and are not about funny animals that make you laugh. It isn’t until Charlie stops telling Lola what to read, and starts listening to her requirements, that they find a book that opens her mind. And, in the end, she tries something new (and finds she likes it).

As the book-gifter in my family, I take great care in listening to what friends and relatives like to read. Sometimes I might push the boundaries a little to help them discover new things. But I generally know what will appeal to them because I listen. It pains me to see people receive books that I know they’ll never read because they are so inappropriate to the recipient. If you know someone, like Lola, who likes books without big words and with lots of funny pictures, why would you give them a thick book with lots of words on a serious topic that absolutely won’t appeal to them, just because you think it would be good for them to read it?

The truth is, they’re not going to read it. And maybe they will feel sad that you seem to know them so poorly. And you’ll resent the fact that they refuse to read it.

Does that mean you should never buy books as gifts, never try to get your kids to taste new foods, or never try to persuade an executive to adopt new strategies? No. But listen to them, figure out what their criteria for success is, and leverage what you learn instead of pushing your own ideas on them just because you’re right.

As the saying goes, Never try to teach a pig to sing: it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

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^{*A word to the wise: if you’re working retail in New York or LA and someone makes a crazy request like “a white bicycle” or “a big green book” (my version of the white bicycle story), don’t argue with them because they’re probably trying to dress a set, and that description is the criteria they were given.}